10 Things parents should understand
I’m so sure that at least once in your life your parents have said something and then you get angry because according to you they are wrong. Trust me, I have too. There are so many things we don’t agree with. Everyone loves their parents but many teenagers may think that their parents should understand. I can’t say the same about myself but throughout my life I have met people who need some “freedom” in their life. The nagging can get quite annoying sometimes. If you’re a parent these are some things that you should understand.
- Internet is not all bad
- Trust your child
- Mistakes happen
- For something, you don’t like to give them a valid reason
- Keep an open and healthy relationship.
- Kids will not be good at everything
- Respect their privacy
- Don’t compare your kids to other kids
- Hear how they feel
- Support your child
Internet is not all bad
You won’t believe how many times I have heard, ‘get off the internet and do something productive.’ Or, ‘You all on your phone and laptop all the time.’ Of course to a certain extent they are right. Kids should respect their time and use it wisely and in the time but what parents need to understand is that today more than half the work is online including school work. Another thing that most parents hate is their kids spending too much time on YouTube or Netflix but it is okay. Netflix, YouTube, and all other sites are not all bad. One of the things that helped me with my English and my vocabulary was TV shows. I learned more from them than I had before in my life. It brushed my fluency in every other thing. They are a source for entertainment for many people and apart from that there is so much to learn and no, being on your phone and watching it is not bad at all. The Internet is one of the best things that have happened to this generation because of the widespread of things kids can do. So let them do what they like.
Trust your child
Parents may not do this intentionally but to many kids it may seem like their parents don’t trust them. I get how what your child is watching who they are texting can seem like a concern to them because they don’t want their child to get in any trouble but please try to understand they want to trust them. You will have to trust them in this relationship because the foundation for most relationships is trust. You need to let your child be and know somewhere in your heart that you have taught them better than to do anything wrong. Kids will make mistakes and let them grow from it. You love them but you also have to trust them and yourself. Trust is key for a good relationship between a parent and a child. This brings me to my child’s point. Mistakes.
A child will always make mistakes and that’s what kids do but you are not a kid. They make a mistake, talk to them before screaming at them. Not only do you develop a fear within the child but also scare them. It is completely okay for kids to make mistakes and shouting at them is unfair. What parents don’t understand is that their kid is trying to do the best they can and so what if they make mistakes along the way, everyone does, I bet you did too. Kids don’t need you to tell them they made a mistake because they already know that and when you scream at them you are only making them feel more guilty and horrible about themselves. Nobody is perfect, you aren’t so you can’t expect the same with your child. You can tell them how you feel but do it in a way that may not develop this fear in their head. There is a certain way that parents need to treat their kids when they make mistakes and sometimes all you can do is let them pick up their pieces and that way not only are you not making them feel horrible but you are also making them independent.
For something, you don’t like to give them a valid reason
It is highly likely that there will be plenty of things you don’t agree with, with your kids and that is completely normal. There will also always be you who don’t like what your child is doing. Before screaming and shouting at or even just having a conversation with them, try to put yourself in their shoes. You were that age once and thought things were very different in your generation and your child, at least try to reason with them. Everyone thinks they are right. Quite honestly nobody likes to be wrong and parents don’t but what you can do is think of what your child might be going through or what you child or what they feel and even then if you don’t come up with a good reason for their actions, talk to them. give them a valid reason for them not to do what they are doing. Don’t say ‘because I said so.’ That is one of the worst statements anybody must have ever heard. Tell them reasons as to why they shouldn’t do that. ‘Don’t watch TV.’ Why, why not watch TV. Give them actual answers because when you say something as absurd as, ‘Because I said so,’ the children have even more of a reason to not listen to you because your statements make no sense.
Keep an open and healthy relationship
What kids need is a friend. You’ll always be their parent but more than a parent a child needs a friend. A child will never tell you how they feel if you don’t make them feel like they can trust you. For them to trust you, you need to give them reasons as to why they can. Being a parent does not mean that your child will share everything with you. In fact if you don’t do the things listed above, your child may not even tell you about something crucial in their life. More than a parent they need a friend. A friend who wouldn’t judge them. Sometimes children just want to talk and if you don’t have a healthy relationship with them they probably never will. And don’t ever make the mistake of pressurizing them to tell you something, they will if they want to and if they don’t that’s fine too. They don’t have to tell you everything. For your child you feel accepted, respected, and loved you need to build an open relationship.
Kids will not be good at everything
Kids are like you. They aren’t good at everything. We aren’t good at so many things and each child has something they are good at. Something they live for. Something that inspires them to live. Something that they are good at. What you may expect is perfect grades or good grades from your child but why? A child gets 60% percent in Math and 85% in Language and yet you will just see the 60% in math because it is bad. Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe Math is not the subject for your child? Have you ever considered that they must have tried but they didn’t do so well because they are simply just not good at it? You want your child to be the best version of themselves. you want them to succeed in life but sometimes there are certain subjects and arts that they are not good at and that is more than okay. Have you ever tried to ask your child, ‘Did you try?’ and they said yes because they did but because they may not be good at something they didn’t score well. Your child is not you and they don’t have to be. Look at what they’re extremely good at. You looked at the 60% on their paper but did you also see 85% on another paper. Every child is good at a few selected things because if we were good at everything we wouldn’t be here now would we? And so appreciate them for all the good they have in them. Some are just not good at studies in general but they can be good at 50 other things that don’t involve academics. If you truly want to see your child succeed, forget about what they’re bad at and look at the other 20 things they are amazing at. Be supportive instead of destructive. You can very easily scold them for all the things they aren’t good at but who is getting affected by it. You may think you are helping but take it from a teenager herself you’re not. Scolding them for their bad grades is not going to get them good grades, it will just make them feel 10 times more guilty for being “bad” which they’re not.
Respect their privacy
Out of everything my parents are the best at doing this. Never have they ever checked my messages or checking up on what I am doing all the time and in so many ways them not intruding in my stuff had helped me grow and become a person of my own. This brings me back to trust. You can’t intrude on their privacy. There are certain things a child can tell you and there are certain things they can’t and you should simply just let them be. Trust them and yourself. Imagine your children reading your messages or checking up on what you watch. Would you be okay with that? Or would you feel like someone is invading your privacy? The same thing can be said about kids, nobody likes people checking their messages. You can always have a conversation with your kids about privacy but you can’t invade somebody else’s privacy even if it is your child. By doing so not only are you disrupting their boundaries you are also making them think they aren’t trusted?
Don’t compare your kids to other kids
To “improve” a child’s habits parents compare their kids to other children. I can give it to all parents for a good strategy but it doesn’t help the child. You may not even realize you’re doing it so be careful what comes out of your mouth. Comparing kids to other kids is brutal and I mean that. It hurts. It makes the children think that they are not capable enough to do something on their own. It brings down their self-esteem. It shouldn’t matter to you what somebody else’s child is doing. You can just have a conversation but don’t make your child feel like they’re not good enough because like I said before, they are more than enough.
Hear how they feel
As I said, you want to be right but so do we. Whenever something goes wrong or you don’t agree with your child don’t just rub your opinion on them. Hear them out. Hear what they have to say because it is just as important as what you are saying. Listen to them and hear what they have to say about the topic you disagree on because their feelings may be completely different than yours. Being a parent you want what is best for your kids and you may not even realize that in that argument you are not letting your child speak. There may be some justification for what they might have done and for you to be a good and understanding parent you need to hear what they want to say. Hear everything they have to say and maybe try to think like them. Try to picture what you may have gone through if you were them because you don’t know what your child feels unless you don’t let them talk.
Support your child
You will have more than 100 things you will not agree on but support them. To make them feel like you trust them to support them in whatever choice they make in their lives because everyone needs a sort of blessing or support from their family. Their achievements don’t feel the same when you don’t have support from your parents. I am not saying support them when they are doing something wrong I’m saying support them in their life choices and things you may not agree on which aren’t wrong. Every child will find their way of life and because it is their life they should be the ones to decide every little detail of their life and all you can do is support them. Every child needs it more than you know.
You see your kids will always love, no matter what comes and you will always love your children but there are so many things that need fixing which goes beyond love. Everyone loves their child and they always will but give them some freedom and by that I don’t mean the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants because you have given them life so let them live the life that you gave them. You see even if you don’t do any of those things mentioned above your child won’t love you any less but they will respect you and always look up to you. They won’t have to fear you. They won’t have to hide things from. They will respect you and trust you. They will pass down all the things you taught them and did correctly on to their kids. Respect their decisions and their choices in life because they are building their own life their way. Think of it like building a tower that only goes up but then suddenly somebody comes and knocks it off, you don’t want to be that person. Let them build their tower to the top. Be proud of their achievements. Support them in their life choices so they grow up strong and independent and most importantly show your love. They know you love them but show them that you love them.
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Credit for the topic: Manya Dalmia
Citations for images:
“13… The Age That Fills Parents with Fear.” Express.co.uk, Express.co.uk, 21 Aug. 2018, www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1006366/teenagers-parents-fear-loss-control-children.
“How to Show Your Parents a Bad Grade.” WikiHow, WikiHow, 25 Feb. 2020, www.wikihow.com/Show-Your-Parents-a-Bad-Grade.
“Parent Have No Right to Control the Lives of Their Children above 16? Are You Agree or Disagree?” Debate.org, www.debate.org/opinions/parent-have-no-right-to-control-the-lives-of-their-children-above-16-are-you-agree-or-disagree.