How something as traumatic as bullying can change your life?
Please take 10 minutes of your time to read this. This is a very important issue and kids from the age of 12-18 go through it more than you think. Make a change and start that by reading this blog.
Bullying. In high schools, many students go through this experience. In the USA, 1 in 5 students gets bullied. In India, 42% of the students get bullied each year. 29% of students go through cyber-bullying in Brazil. 25% of people in Belgium and 26% of people in South Africa but it’s not about the country, it’s about the crime. A lot of people take bullying lightly but it is far from that. A child who is has been bullied or is being bullied is the only one who truly knows how much impact it can leave on them. Bullying is not even close to okay because when you’re bullied you are scared but more than that sometimes you blame yourself. Take this from a person who had been bullied, the way you treat your friends or even those you consider foe, matters.
Things in my school seemed perfect, or at least close to perfect. I had great friends who I could completely rely on and teachers who supported me through thick and thin but a hurricane came and left me with nothing. It came so quickly and out of the blue that, I didn’t even have enough time to figure out what I did or why was I being punished for a crime I didn’t commit. It was 8th grade when our whole class was working on the Talent Show. Three boys in our school decided they wanted to make a contract and so they did. Never till this date do I know why they did that in the first place for an event as small as the Middle Years Talent Show. The contract they made was unfair and sexist. One of their “rules” read, “girls will do what boys will ask them to,” but this wasn’t the only problem, just like this statement they had many more which were made as per their convenience. This was offensive to all the girls and if we were working together, we had to be on the same page. So all girls combined their efforts to come up with a more authoritative contract but the boys did not take it well. In simpler words, we hurt their ego.
The next day I had to listen to crap from all the boys of our grade. They blamed me forever for writing the contract. They said that I had no right to write a contract because the contract just created a wedge between the boys and the girls but on the other hand they were admiring my friends’ guts who stood up against this one guy everyone in the class feared. I was asked to apologize when along with me 10 other girls had helped write the contract. After a meeting with a teacher, things were sorted or at least I thought they were. After that first incident, things did not look good for me as I wasn’t in good terms with half my classmates because they have formed the wrong opinion about me on bases of a one half of story, the half that wasn’t mine but I let go of that because we were asked to and it was a new year and I didn’t want to form grudges with anybody.
3 to 4 weeks later, once again we were planning our activities as per the departs we were assigned. The scriptwriting committee seemed appealing to me and I had a lot to bring to the table so I asked the teacher whether I could be a part of the committee and she agreed but at the time I joined, the three people on the team were not on good conditions because one member had barely written 2 sentences in a matter of 2 months. So when I started working with my friends, they made a separate document without the member who had not put enough effort. I was new to the committee and I did not think that I should have gone behind my friends back and tell the person they had left out what they had done to them. I had a choice, I could have told the person who hasn’t included the truth and betrayed my friends or I would have not interfered in this matter at all and I chose what then seemed right to me, I kept it to myself. That night that person found out the truth one way or another and one of my friends who was a part of the committee took my laptop and sent an email from my account telling the other person to quit because of the minimal amount of work he had put it. The person who the email was sent too, did not take it well and blew the thing out of proportion. In the time of two minutes the entire class found out about this and since it was written from my account everyone assumed it was me who wanted to kick the person out of the group. I had clarified that I did not write the email but once again everyone blamed me for something I had not done. People pretended like my friends who were responsible for removing him had no part in it. At that point I knew they were just looking for excuses to blame be. Like always we had another meeting and when everything was clear people still believed it was my fault. I had to ignore that too but what happened next was what scared me.
A few days later, I got an email chain from one of my classmates to run it in my face that people that nobody liked me and just as much as I hate to admit it, it was true, by everything that was being said about me behind my back. I always chose to believe the best in my classmates and why wouldn’t I have I? They had been my friends for years. The emails were about killing me. One email read, “If you put me in a room with Hitler, Kim Jong-un, Osama bin Laden, and Nitya and handed me a revolver, I would put all 6 bullets in her head.” After which somebody else said, “No, no, killing her wouldn’t be nearly enough, you should torture her to death,” but what hurt more was that, that somebody who said that was one of my closest friends and I didn’t even know that they hated me so much that they were writing emails about wanting to kill me. These were just two of the many emails written about me and the worst part, two of my friends were a part of that email. One didn’t write anything, but the other did. They didn’t even have the decency to come and tell me what gruesome things were being said about me.
After many counseling sessions, and meetings, the boys who said such things didn’t get any consequence. I was still trying to put the pieces together but till this date I don’t know why this happened to me and just me. If this was about the contract, then there were 10 other girls with me and if this was about the scriptwriting committee chaos then I know it wasn’t my mistake. I had never done anything to them but they still hated me for some unknown reason and just as strange as it sounds, it’s true. Not once had I said anything bad about any of them but they still hated me, hated me enough to want to kill me. If it were my mistake, if somewhere along the line I would have done something to any of them I would still understand that they would hate me but I didn’t. I was upset that people who barely knew me were talking about killing me behind my back and with them those people who I liked, who were my friends. My friends turning their back on me and trash-talking me hurt the most. even after everything I kept hope. I wanted to believe that there was something worth staying for.
A few days later some girls and guys were teasing one of my friends and I felt like I had to defend her because I didn’t want her to feel the way I did along with 5 other friends but the end of the night things went out of hand and we reported our problem to our dorm parents. They said we had to keep this to ourselves but three girls from our dorm couldn’t keep the discussion we had privately with the dorm parents and told their “guy-friends” everything but the only part they missed was the other 5 girls who complained with me. Once again, everyone from my class turned their backs on me but there was this one guy who understood me. Shlok and I had been friends but it wasn’t until the very end that we became good friends and that was because like me he was being bullied. He was called by a horrible and offensive name. Somebody grabbed him one day and asked him to stay away from me because I, “Fucked Up.” I think I had had enough of everyone’s nonsense by then. So I went home. My initial plan was to stay home for a week until I was ready to face everyone but I stayed for longer. I returned on the day of the talent show and planned on continuing the school.
The next day, I was called for a meeting with the head of dorms and the head of the middle years along with another one of my classmates who was involved in the email chain. We talked everything out like usual but she dared to talk shit about my father because she had nothing to say about me. Not one of her complaints was related to me and that made it so much more clear to me that I had been bullied based on nothing. The teachers were biased and were not in any way ready to hear me out but that day also made it clear that I had nothing left to stay in the school because everything I thought was good in my life was the worst thing.
I learned that I can’t trust anybody. Some of my friends turned their backs against me and the other was watching me suffer and break from the sidelines. Nobody took responsibly for their actions. If this matter hadn’t gone to the principal, nobody would have gotten any consequence and because it went to him, 7 students got suspended. When I left my friend was crying their eyes out but it almost seems like fake tears to me because after I left they didn’t bother to keep in touch with me. They moved on with their lives while I was broken. I couldn’t forget and I definitely could not forgive. I mean hoe could I? They were the reason I was sad, frustrated, and upset all the time. My parents were there for me but I needed more. There were things that I couldn’t even tell them. While I was trying to heal, they were of living the best life. I was stuck in that dark and empty place for more than 4 months, even after that I couldn’t let go of my “friends”. I was ashamed to even say that I was bullied in the first place. That one incident had changed everything for me. I don’t even have the right words to explain what was going on inside my head because it was that devastating.
I learned so much. I learned the reality of life. I learned that nobody can be trusted but yourself. I learned that you should care about people but not so much that they wrongfully use you. One of the best qualities about myself it that I care about people, even people I have just met but caring is also of the worst qualities about me. I care too much, enough to make the other person fool me. It took this experience for me to realize that. Life isn’t easy and it never will be. You’ll always meet people who will pull you down, who will try to take away your happiness. You’ll meet people who’ll take advantage of you and when they don’t need you they’ll leave you. You’ll meet people who will discredit you for everything you do. You’ll meet people who will never be happy about your success and will take every opportunity to bring you down. There will be people who won’t like you and I learned that the hard way but what we can do is to move on, and be better. We can be better than those who haven’t been good for us. I’m not saying be nice to them but be civil. All humans are egoistic creatures and when someone takes a shot at their ego it hurts. I have moved on and with time even forgiven them. It took me a lot of time to understand that if I don’t forgive them, I’ll always hold onto the pain and darkness because when you blame the person who hurt you, you are just hurting yourself. The other person who did something to you gets to live their life but you are still stuck but also make them pay. The boys who wrote emails about me had no sense of guilt whatsoever an if they hadn’t been suspended they would have done the same to so many other people and that would have been worse. So in a manner that isn’t wrong, teach them a lesson they will remember their whole life so they won’t even think about doing something that they did to you. For some people, all you can do is let them live with the guilt because that’s the lesson itself sometimes.
I was bullied, and I’ll say it again I was bullied. I’m not ashamed to say it anymore because I have nothing to be ashamed of, the people who bullied me are the ones that need to be ashamed of themselves. So many people have been bullied and in ways so much worse than mine. We can’t go back in time and change things that happened to us. We all have 2 choices, we can sit and feel sorry for ourselves or we can get up, forgive those who hurt you and learn from your experience. When I moved on, I felt so much stronger than I had before. I was more empathetic, more loving, stronger but at the same time I knew I couldn’t let people take me for a ride. So what we can do, is learn from our experience and always remember YOU ARE STRONG no matter what they say. Always remember when things get back, seek help from parents, counselors or anybody you feel comfortable talking to. There are helplines for different countries, make sure you use them.
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